Church Jokes!

Bare Essentials-

When the new First Church pastor came to town, one of his first official activities was to visit his parishioners. All went well until he knocked on the Jone's door. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door.

Finally he took out his card and wrote on the back, "Revelation 3:20, 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him,' " and stuck it on the door.

On Sunday his card found its way into the offering plate. Below his message was the notation, "Genesis 3:10, 'And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, And I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.' "


The Bishop's Visit-

Little Johnny's dad was the pastor of a small church in the Midwest. One day he told Johnny that a very important church leader, a bishop, was coming to the church and would be staying the night with them in their home. Little Johnny became very excited about meeting the bishop. "What do I get to do?" he asked.
"Your job," father answered, "will be to take his morning tea up to the guest room."
"What shall I say?" little Johnny asked.
"Just remember to say, 'It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up.' "

Little Johnny was very excited, He rehearsed his lines, repeating them over and over. Finally the day came, and little Johnny had learned all his lines. At the appointed hour, the bishop's tea and a biscuit were set on a tray and given to little Johnny to take to the guest. Knocking on the visitor's door, the boy became so excited his lines got all mixed up, so when he finally spoke, out came, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up."


Vote!-

A parishioner had dosed off to sleep during the morning service.
"Will all who want to go to heaven stand up now."
All stood, except the sleeping parishioner.
After they sat, the pastor continued,
"Well, will all who want to go to the other place please stand?"
Somebody suddenly dropped a hymnal, and the sleeping man jumped to his feet and stood sheepishly facing the preacher.
The sleeper mumbled confused, "Well, preacher, I don't know what we're voting for, but it looks like you and I are the only ones for it."